I feel like my whole life I’ve had to “try” to be someone I’m not. Try to be skinny cause everyone made fun of me for being fat. Try to find a job that everyone deemed a worthy/good job because working somewhere making $9 is unacceptable and not good enough. Try to be more girly because not wearing makeup and not doing your hair makes you less pretty than other girls. Well know what? I’m done trying to make everyone happy! I’m happy taking photos and yeah I may be fat and need to exercise more but not everyone is skinny as a rail.
I’m tired of trying to please everyone and being miserable all the time. Wondering if people are going to be mad at me if I don’t have the nicest job and make tons of money. Wondering if I’m going to be judged for being almost 28 and not have a career, family, house, financial stability. It really wears down a person over time. The last few months I’ve been really depressed and though it’s crossed my mind, I could/never would try to kill myself. I’ve realized and thanks to friends support, know that no one is perfect and that I need to enjoy doing things that make me happy and ignore the negativity. What I’ve also dealt with over the years, not even months, but years, was confidence. I’ve always looked at myself as the fat girl that no one is going to love and want to be friends with. In reality, I’m a great person and have a ton of amazing, supportive friends. One friend in particular today gave me a boost of confidence just by simply saying, “You have confidence and you look great”. That made my day. It’s the little things that make me the happiest. The simple, “You look beautiful today” is good enough for me. Another thing I love about myself is my passion for photography. I must have gotten that passion from my uncle or something because I love taking photos and have that artistic eye when capturing good shots. Now I may not be the best photographer out there but I’m practicing and striving to better myself.
From here on out, I will TRY to love myself more. TRY to get my confidence back. TRY to stop thinking negatively about myself. TRY to have more fun with awesome friends and forget the hard times.
Love who you are…no matter the size of your pants.