Having a baby…

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At a certain point in a young woman’s life, you think to yourself, “I want to have children one day”. Then you sit down and write out all of the pros and cons to having children and how much money it’s going to take to raise them and you think, “Well, when is the perfect time for me to have a kid going to be?”.

I’ve always pictured myself as being a younger-ish mom and having the kid kind of, grow up with me. I wanted to be that fun, hip mom, not an older mom.There have been points in my life where I just want the whole “having a child” experience to happen already and start a little family of my own. I look around and almost all of my friends are married, have careers and have 1+ children. I’m kind of envious in a way because I want to feel that kind of love and to have that experience but I also have to tell myself that my time will come and that things will slowly start happening for me.

I also want to be married and have a nice wedding before children come into the works. However, I’m one of those people that does not want to just try and try to have a kid; I want it to happen out of no where. Which brings me to my facebook post last night:

Crappy night  — feeling down.

The past week has been rough and I’ve been having slight stomach pains and being light headed a couple days. Well I checked my calendar and realized that I should have started my period on the 27th of February and here now it’s the 5th of March and now I’m 7 days late. I didn’t freak out too bad over the thought of being pregnant because if it happens, it happens and I’ll deal with it. I was more worried about what my family would say, how I’d be shunned for having a baby out of wed-lock. 

So last night Steven took me down to CVS and I purchased a pregnancy test. This isn’t my first rodeo with having to use one so I already knew what to do. Here are the results:

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I know my mom is probably reading this and thinking, “Thank you lord!!!”. A lot of my friends that I shared this with were congratulating me on not being pregnant. Yet, I was not in the party spirit. I actually tossed it in the trash shortly after taking this picture and went into the living room and sat on the couch and cried for 30 minutes. Steven grabbed me and held me tight and just let me cry into his chest. I know it’s ridiculous to get so emotional over something that will eventually happen (when the time is right) but part of me is actually looking forward to being a mom. Despite what certain people think (Yes, I’ve heard this before), that I wouldn’t make a good mom, I disagree. I think I’d make a great mom. I know my day will come and I’ll get the opportunity to be a mommy to a little Larsen. For now, I’ll just have to wait.

With that all being said, today I feel a little better. Except for the fact that I’m broken right now. I’ve been needing to go to the doctor since, let’s see, um…. 2009 and just never have insurance or money to go (yes, mom, I hear you over there saying “Well that’s why you don’t need a baby”). I think because of whatever is wrong, that’s why I am “late”. I’m not sure. All I know is that I felt like writing this because I like to put vague posts on facebook and it drives everyone nuts. So hopefully, the title of this post draws those in that are actually “concerned” about me. That way I don’t have to actually put on facebook, “Oh hey guys, 7 days late on getting my period but nope, I’m not prego, thanks”.

Sincerely,

Katie

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